1. The kids have been waking up at least twice a night for the past week or so and it is making me crazy! I am not one that can function on little sleep so I may need to apologize for some grumpy behavior lately. Although, last night we got 8 hours(!) of uninterrupted sleep. It was amazing. I feel like a new woman!

2. I’m back, baby! In drama, that is. I officially turned in my notice for Praise Team last month so I could focus 100% on my true passion: Drama Ministry. Never in my life had I ever thought that I’d turn down any form of music for acting but that’s just one tiny lesson in “never say never”. I am so stinkin thrilled about it, though. Currently we’re working on a 30 minute (not a full length production but much bigger than a regular weekend sketch) show for the Lit Conference on the 29th. That’s just 3 weeks away and we need to be off book by Monday night. So, if you talk to me and all I say are phrases that don’t pertain to the conversation at hand, don’t think anything of it.

3. I have been doing Weight Watchers for 6 weeks now and I have lost 10 1/2 pounds! Yipee! My goal is 20 and I still have 5 weeks before we go to the beach so it should be doable. Not only has WW been a great tool in helping me lose the baby weight, it has also given me a real desire to teach my family to eat and live a bit healthier. I’m definitely feeling it!

So, that’s it! I know it’s not much but I actually prefer the uneventful, if-i-don’t-have-to-leave-the-house-then-i-won’t kind of lifestyle. That’s just how we roll up here on The Hill.

Grace: “Mommy, Landon’s booty is uncovered.”

Ashley: “Well, it’s ok.”

Grace: (a little whiney) “Mommy, I can see his booty. Cover it up.”

Ashley: “Honey, don’t worry about it.”

Grace: (now in panic mode) “MOMMY, YOU HAVE TO COVER LANDON’S BOOTY! I DON’T WANT TO LOOK AT IT!!”

1. If it looks like a ghetto Krystal and it tastes like a ghetto Krystal, it probably is a ghetto Krystal. Don’t eat there. It will be the worst Krystal in the history of Krystals.

2. If it looks like a ghetto Red Roof Inn and is in the SAME PARKING LOT as the ghetto Krystal, it probably is a ghetto Red Roof Inn. Don’t stay there. It may only cost $50 a night but just go ahead and splurge. You’ll be glad you did.

Like I said, you’ll thank me later.

Earlier this afternoon…

Grace: “Why didn’t we go to Target today?”

Ashley: “Well, I didn’t want to go to Target. I had a coupon for JCPenney.”

Grace: “Mom, why do you always have to have a coupon?”

Ashley: “If you have a coupon, you don’t have to use as much money.”

Grace: “Ok, well, will you please call Daddy and ask him if he’ll take me to Target tomorrow? They’re having a sale.”

From the mouth of babes…

Dear Nick Jr. (formerly known as Noggin but still really known as Noggin because I don’t know of one single person who calls it Nick Jr because, let’s face it, Noggin is just a cuter name, I’m just sayin’),

(inhales)

I am writing to inform you that very soon I will be putting in a call to Social Services to report the gross parental negligence I have observed by many of the residents of your Nickelodeon Neighborhood.

Let’s take, for example, Max and Ruby. After 11 months of observation I have never, EVER seen their parents. As in I’m pretty sure they don’t even exist. The children are constantly home alone, only being dropped in upon, every once in a while, by their grandmother. Max, obviously a child two or under seeing as how he can only speak one word at a time, is being cared for by his sister, Ruby, who can’t possibly be more than six years old seeing as how she’s an idiot. I do not feel this is a good environment for either child and thus will be reporting the Bunny Family to the proper authorities. I am glad that Ruby has her ever-true Bunny Scout Leader to guide her although I don’t think the party-hosting skills she is being taught are going to prove very beneficial in the raising of her younger brother.

I am also very concerned about Dora the Abnormally Large Headed Explorer. Although her parents, Sr. and Sra. Marquez, do appear every now and again, she is often seen out on her own, accompanied only by a whiny monkey. She has faced many a foe (a witch, a troll, a fox) with only her backpack to protect her. And I know she always uses her seatbelt “so she can be safe,” but am I mistaken that Dora should still be in a car seat? I am fairly certain she does not meet the eight year / 80 pound requirement. Although I suppose this law may not apply when you are traveling to OUTER SPACE, you know, by yourself.

Lastly, I will be reporting ALL of the neglectful animal parents whose children have found themselves in such peril they’ve had to call on the Wonder Pets. I feel if you are relying on a guinea pig, a turtle, and a baby duck to rescue your children, you have reached a whole new level of inattention. I’m sorry but if you, as a goose, flew off and left your children to be led south by some classroom pets in a plastic boat, don’t you think you should be reported? And don’t even get me started on the ladybug’s parents who let her play in the Venus Fly Trap or the Mama cow who barely reacted when her baby calf was rescued from a tree (that’s right, a tree).

The parents of all the Backyardigans are still under observation, and at this point, there is no reason to suspect negligence on their part. So far, the children have stayed within the confines of their backyard, and at least one parent seems to be home during their playtime, offering a delightful yet nutritious snack at the end of their imaginary adventures.

Please be under advisement that the entire Nickelodeon Junior (if that’s your real name) populace is being watched.

Yours Truly,
A Concerned Mother

P.S. – And as far as DJ Lance is concerned, the whole Gabba Family is currently under investigation for recreational drug use. Second letter to follow.

So, I’m sitting here on the love seat while Grace is on the couch (yeah, I don’t know how I got the tiny one) with some kind of stomach bug. Yuck. She finally fell asleep after throwing up exactly 14 – yes, I counted – times in 3 hours. Dear God, please let this be over! I want to cry but then I can’t really pinpoint a valid reason. Stress maybe?

The one, slightly good thing about me stressing out is that after I remember how to push the human Ashley to the wayside, I remember that I’m not alone and I don’t have to handle it by myself. Now, the actual process of handing it over can sometimes take a bit longer than it should (I’m just being real, folks) but it generally happens. Eventually. Tonight it took some Facebooking. Who’da thunk it, right? Someone had something in their status about how God never sleeps and that when we feel like we’re the only people awake at some crazy hour and for some terrible reason, we’re not alone. Never once has He ever left me alone and He’s not going to start now. He has been on the edge of His seat just waiting for me to wake up and talk it out.

We never really know enough until we recognize that God knows it all.  1 Corinthians 8:3

I would like to thank the wonderful people at Nick Jr. for making Wow! Wow! Wubbzy! so brightly colored. It lit up the keyboard the perfect amount while still being dim enough for Grace to sleep through 90% of the episode.

So, my sister, Sarah, got married on Friday… I know! Crazy, right? It’s a good crazy though. I knew it was coming soon but didn’t know it would be yesterday!

I cannot express how excited I am to see her go through this season of life. Although we were never very similar people in the way of personalities, we’ve always had a certain sister bond that cannot be broken no matter how different you get. So here’s to Sarah! I love you, girl!

“Life has moments hard to describe
Feeling great and feeling alive
Never coming down from this
Mountain we’re on
Always knowing we’re gonna be fine
Feeling great and feeling alive
Never coming down from this
Mountain were on
The view is so clear
And it’s crazy up here
Life is amazing with you on the ride”

- On the Ride by Aly & AJ